My yoga mat

Here’s the thing about me and fitness goals: They don’t stick unless I find the joy in them. I love long distance running because it calms me down, I love triathlons because they start with a swim and nothing makes me happier than being in the water, I love CrossFit because I’m continually challenged by a grab bag of movements, and I love power lifting because of the confidence it gives me and the immediate satisfaction I feel with every lift.

For years, I’ve been doing yoga on and off because when I moved to San Diego everyone was doing it and I can never stick with it. I love to lift heavy weights and I recognize if I want to continue to grow and benefit my sport I need to spend time on flexibility. I’ve been pondering why my experience “trying” yoga again and again has led me to think I dislike it? Is it because I didn’t identify with with crowd it attracted? Is it because I feel too ADD to every truly relax? Is it because I didn’t want to be packed into another room with other peoples smells too close to me? Or is it because I wasn’t ready to be open to getting in touch with myself on a deeper level?

Hesitant to set myself up for failure by setting a goal doing yoga x days per week, I started with a visual cue. I unrolled my yoga mat on my bedroom floor. Initially I did it as a reminder to do yoga. But my behavior upon seeing it before I went to bed and first thing when I woke up was interesting. At first, I stepped around it to get to my dresser or closet getting dressed in the morning. Then one night I thought: Why does my mat out mean I have to hold a pose that’s difficult for me? One night I went in and laid on my back in shavasana pose with the bottoms of my feet touching together and just tried to relax. “What are you doing, Hannah? This isn’t even yoga,” I told myself on night one. Now it’s been three weeks and I am looking forward to my nightly shavasana. It is my baby step towards meditation/self awareness. I strongly believe it has increased my creativity and I come out of it almost high that for a few minutes each day I get to exist somewhere between dreams and reality.

Saturday Yoga at Humanity

My next step is trying to make a point to attend CrossFit Humanity’s Saturday yoga session. Katie Dunn is excellent at what she does and is her authentic dog loving self instead of trying to be some uber zen yoga faker. Yoga is difficult and humbling. I’m continuing to use my mat to build awareness with myself and who knows maybe one of these days I’ll feel the pull to start doing poses on my own.