So I am reading this book called, Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously. I want to understand how to quiet my fears and move forward. I’m seeking the ability to give the best parts of myself without fear of judgment. I want to love more easily and be more open. It is hard work. It sucks. I’m scared of what I’m going to find out. I am filled with fear, fear, and more fear.  Below is one of many points made by Osho that resonates with me:

In the beginning there is not much difference between the coward and the courageous person. The only difference is, the coward listens to his fears and follows them, and the courageous person puts them aside and goes ahead. The courageous person goes into the unknown in spite of all fears.

After I read this I was like, WOW, it sounds so simple. Just don’t listen to my fears, put them aside and go ahead. Okay, Hannah. You can do this. I got super pumped up that I could do this with bravery but then woke up and saw the coaches’ surveys went out to our gym members this morning. HELLO CRAZY AMOUNTS OF FEAR I JUST SWORE I COULD EASILY SET ASIDE!  I can hear my head saying, “but getting feedback helps you grow.” I also get that all feedback good or bad should be taken with a grain of salt. Internally, I have a good sense of where I think I land and what I need improvement on. Hopefully the feedback reflects that. But what if it doesn’t? What my head understands doesn’t quiet the emotion and fear of being judged (insert deep seated fear of being unlovable).

I am tired of my self-doubt often paralyzing me from doing what I love because too often I want people to love me. Sometimes I get so spiraled out crazy I feel all the good I have in me fold up into a small seashell and seal tight. Like the seashell Ursula used to keep Ariel’s voice. When this happens I feel like I go through the motions of my life but I’m not truly living. I see it in others I’m close to as well. I call it their sparkle. I love seeing others in their element being boldly unafraid to show authenticity. I literally see a light from within sparkle through their eyes. I don’t like the feeling of going through life with guards up unable to give the best parts or who I am because fears have a hold on me. In this small case, I’m sitting here asking myself, is the fear of being judged going to stop me from giving the best parts of myself to others? How can I quiet them?

The way of heart is the way of courage. It is to live in insecurity; it is to live in love, and trust; it is to move in the unknown.– Osho

 

Action Steps:

1) If you were unafraid of putting yourself out there and little feedback what would you do more of?

2) Identify the fears that dull the light within, block creative energy, close you off from connection

3) Honor your fears by writing them down or using physical objects to represent them and tuck them away in a box, under your bed, wherever.

4) When your fears are brought to the surface have the courage to recognize their presence like an unwanted house guest. Set them aside and go ahead into the unknown.