My Parents’ Wedding Day

Mom and Dad Wedding Day

Mom and Dad’s Wedding Day

My parents aren’t married anymore and I’m totally cool with it. From my perspective their union was very one sided as far as nurturing what makes the other’s spirit soar. It was only a matter of time until the whole thing imploded. They were married for close to 30 years and the end was total destruction. It ripped apart our extended family and left a gaping hole in in my heart and my brothers’ hearts.  Seeing as the end was so messy when I look back on these pictures of them on their wedding day I want to know what they loved about each other on that day. I want to know what they pledged whole heartedly on that day to each other. I want to jump inside the heads of the extended family and know how they truly felt about their union. That’s the funny thing about the past, memory, and perspective: The story changes the further you get from it.

Natural beauty

Natural beauty

Handsome Groom

Handsome Groom

Serious Groom

Serious Groom

Here’s what I see when I look at mom and dad’s wedding pictures:

  • They were so attractive. My mom looks like a goddess with long dark hair and my dad looks like a pretty boy band poster boy.
  • My dad has a look of searching and intensity and a wild eyed look about him. His eyes say it all. He’s not happy with himself. He’s his own worst enemy.
  • My mom looked like she wanted everything to work and everyone to be happy. Deep down, did she feel in over her head? Did he truly make her happy or did she marry him because she so desperately wanted to make him happy?

I’m not claiming to know the intricacies that go into trying to make a marriage work or if it’s better to recognize its expiration date than to deny happiness. The only thing I do know is I want to try. I want to whole heartedly try spending a lifetime with the person I’ve waited for so long to meet.

girl and fiance as wedding guests

What will we remember from our wedding day?

I want to put in the work. Maybe I’m like every other fool who believes in love that lasts a lifetime. I’m typically a skeptical romantic but I’m choosing to put skepticism aside for experience. I want to look back on my life and be glad I took a risk or two instead of sitting safely on the sidelines. I can’t believe I’m choosing tradition. I hope I can remember and capture what my wedding means to me and be able to recount just how much I love my husband and future father of my children. I want to always honor my past because it is what makes my existence unique. It is the fabric of my identity and what makes life interesting.

Adventures in Engagement Photos (part 2)

The day of the photo shoot, signed us both up for the Coronado Navy Bridge run. Why? Because it’s an awesome 4 mile race with friends. I wasn’t going to sit at home and attempt to be pretty all day. A girl’s got to exercise too!

Runners over bridge

Coronado Navy Bridge Run

We scooted home after crossing the finish line and shortly thereafter I had my first experience getting my makeup done by a professional. Loli Romo is like that edgy cool chick I always wanted to be but didn’t have the guts to try. Or the cool older sister I always wanted.  She’s incredible, talented and has been doing NY fashion week and print makeup for years. I was so psyched to get her a recommendation and even more psyched that I liked her as a person.

So I hand over my face and am like, “Girl, you’re the real thing. Do your thing.” She proceeds to take out about fifty blending brushes and buckets of makeup and does her Bob Ross thing. “You want soft trees? Yes, let’s add soft trees to the mountains.” Other thoughts included, why does my face need so much blending? Is it that splotchy? Once complete, I turned and looked in the mirror thinking I might just see J-Lo staring back and instead I saw a shaded clown. “Don’t worry, it’s shocking when you first see it but it photographs like a dream.” Um, was she joking? Am I being punked right now? Remember Han, “YOU are a flexible bride” (insert air quotes motion with fingers here). She then sprayed something magical and slightly wet on my face and the colors settled into a gorgeous better version of my skin with eyes and lips standing out. Voila, freak out avoided! I AM A FLEXIBLE BRIDE!

Larry and I popped a bottle of orange champagne (an engagement gift from a friend) and toasted to a fun shoot. I also casually used the time as a way to be competitive with him and assert the fact that I was going to smoke the photo shoot with my casual cool nature. Here’s the thing with my fiancé, he never engages in competition with me and the joke is always on me. ALWAYS.  I had assumed he would be stiff and semi awkward at the shoot so it was my idea to get the bubbly flowing because I certainly didn’t need it but he did.

I was the one who felt awkward in the beginning and followed his lead flirting and leaning and laughing. I asked him if he had a modeling past he never told me about. This has been our relationship in a nutshell, I never give him credit doing stuff outside of working and he always blows me away with how he really is good at everything he puts his mind to.

We arrive at the San Diego Rowing club (location 1 of 2) and Sydney Prather of Crowded Elevator Photography and Alyssa from Alyssa Marie Films met us there. If Loli were that cool older sister I always wanted to have, Sydney was that YOLO younger sister I’d be jealous of. Both Sydney and Alyssa were cool and easy to work with and they let us get into a rhythm of flirting and joking until we forgot they were even there.

beach engagement photos

Photo credit: Sydney Prather/Crowded Elevator Photography/Alyssa Marie Films

Okay, let’s talk about getting into that rhythm. I think Larry maybe was a model in his past and is just too humble to tell me about it. That man, falls right in on cue and is laughing and flirting and I’m intoxicated on way too much champagne and feeling dialed out of my body as opposed to occupying it. All of my talking crap and this is what I get. Karma. Thankfully, he set the tone and took the lead and I loosened up and we found a rhythm. A major difference between me and Larry: Anything he puts his mind to, he’s always good at. I struggle with the vision and awkwardly stumble through the execution but I will practice endlessly until I feel I’ve got a handle on something. We had fun changing in the car trying not to flash the crowd at Wind n Sea and joking about how rough it is to be a model. The true star of the shoot was Frankie. He ran across the sand digging for crabs and would come up with a snout full of sand and even more sass on his face. If I could’ve let Frankie stand in for me as bride to be, I would have. Afterwards, we went to a nice dinner reserved by a friend and she sent over a bottle of champagne! I was so touched by the kind gesture I started crying and then this bleary eyed picture was snapped.

celebration engagement dinner

Cucina Urbana

What I loved about the experience was the unexpected joys I felt and the way in which we both got to exist in the moment. The day itself is like a secret between the three of us and I hope someday my babies look at the photos and daydream about who we were back when we were cool, in love, and without kids.

Action Steps:

1. Don’t talk crap about being better than your fiancé in a photo shoot. Or if you do, be prepared to lose.

2. Sometimes you gotta look like a clown to then look like a photo shoot diva!

3. You’ve prepped, you’ve planned, you’re there. Enjoy the person you’re with and the moments only you two get to experience: the sand beneath your toes and the love in your hearts.

The Proposal (part 1)

beach couple

It has only been a month that I’ve been engaged and every time I wake up and realize I have a fiancé I am reborn as the happiest person on the planet. I finally know what it feels like. For almost twenty years I’ve wondered who I was going to marry, if I’d get a pretty ring, how I’d know he’s the one, what I’d be wearing when he asked, if I’d feel any regret after saying yes. JUST SO MANY QUESTIONS, LONGINGS and hoping to GOD someone might love me enough to one day propose. Turns out that someone is Larry Kiss and boy am I the lucky one in this equation.

I knew Larry was the one for me the night I met him. I didn’t predict that that meant we’d end up engaged but I knew that he was going to have a really hard time shaking me if he tried. He was a REAL MAN in every sense of the phrase: tall, dark and handsome but also self-assured without being boastful and I immediately loved that he conversed with an honesty and quiet confidence.  This wasn’t in the usual charming way I’d been accustomed to hearing but more a matter of fact, “I know I want to have kids someday and settle down.” I knew this guy was different because I innately trusted him. It scared me to believe that guy could come as put together as Larry and of course I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t put that to the test.  And I move quickly. SO within the first month I cross examined this man and sat back and observed if words and actions aligned. When it all lined up that this guy was legit I knew I had act. I asked him out on a paddle boarding date that turned into drinks, sushi dinner, more drinks, and a movie we both fell asleep in. It was an EPIC first date that set the course of our relationship.

After only six months of dating, we moved in together. Moving in meant having to share and be respectful of another person’s wants and needs within a space. Let’s just say he was better at it than I was. After the first month of moving in together we settled in and enjoyed our sweet life by the beach. It was the first time I ever felt like I had a home. The first time in 29 years I couldn’t wait to be home after work to share a domestic space with him. It was the first time in my adult life I got a Christmas tree and received the best surprise up until this point:frankie in car l's lap He was willing to get weekly allergy shots so we could adopt a puppy.  Our world became even brighter when we adopted Frankie, also affectionately known as Schmoopy, Hooey Hoo, and puppy wuppy.

Action Steps:

1) If you think he’s marriage material grill him if you need to. If he truly is, he will still be around and still interested.

2) If the person you are with makes you feel happy to come home and create a home that’s a very good sign.

3) What has he been willing to sacrifice for you? If you can think of a few examples this is evidence he’s not a total self-centered douche bag.