My Parents’ Wedding Day

Mom and Dad Wedding Day

Mom and Dad’s Wedding Day

My parents aren’t married anymore and I’m totally cool with it. From my perspective their union was very one sided as far as nurturing what makes the other’s spirit soar. It was only a matter of time until the whole thing imploded. They were married for close to 30 years and the end was total destruction. It ripped apart our extended family and left a gaping hole in in my heart and my brothers’ hearts.  Seeing as the end was so messy when I look back on these pictures of them on their wedding day I want to know what they loved about each other on that day. I want to know what they pledged whole heartedly on that day to each other. I want to jump inside the heads of the extended family and know how they truly felt about their union. That’s the funny thing about the past, memory, and perspective: The story changes the further you get from it.

Natural beauty

Natural beauty

Handsome Groom

Handsome Groom

Serious Groom

Serious Groom

Here’s what I see when I look at mom and dad’s wedding pictures:

  • They were so attractive. My mom looks like a goddess with long dark hair and my dad looks like a pretty boy band poster boy.
  • My dad has a look of searching and intensity and a wild eyed look about him. His eyes say it all. He’s not happy with himself. He’s his own worst enemy.
  • My mom looked like she wanted everything to work and everyone to be happy. Deep down, did she feel in over her head? Did he truly make her happy or did she marry him because she so desperately wanted to make him happy?

I’m not claiming to know the intricacies that go into trying to make a marriage work or if it’s better to recognize its expiration date than to deny happiness. The only thing I do know is I want to try. I want to whole heartedly try spending a lifetime with the person I’ve waited for so long to meet.

girl and fiance as wedding guests

What will we remember from our wedding day?

I want to put in the work. Maybe I’m like every other fool who believes in love that lasts a lifetime. I’m typically a skeptical romantic but I’m choosing to put skepticism aside for experience. I want to look back on my life and be glad I took a risk or two instead of sitting safely on the sidelines. I can’t believe I’m choosing tradition. I hope I can remember and capture what my wedding means to me and be able to recount just how much I love my husband and future father of my children. I want to always honor my past because it is what makes my existence unique. It is the fabric of my identity and what makes life interesting.

Adventures in Engagement Photos (part 1)

engagement photo

photo credit: Sydney Prather of Crowded Elevator Photography

Okay, I can hear the voices against couples doing engagement photos: “Engagement photos didn’t exist when the generations before me got married. Who needs that many photos of themselves? How narcissistic…”

I’m loud and proud in saying I love photographs! In part I believe it is because I have a terrible memory and most of my memories are recreated based on photos. I also think it is because photos spark a creativity in me. As a kid I used to pour over my parents wedding album and imagine what they were saying to each other. I wondered who they were way back when before they had kids. I liked to imagine they had this free as a bird, hippie, kind of love. It was old family photographs that made me fall in love with love.

So when it came to engagement photos I found a great deal on recommended photographer, Sydney Prather, of Crowded Elevator Photography, and figured I’d slap together a few outfits, make sure Frankie was with us and we’d call it a photo shoot.

Here’s what surprised me:

  1. Planning for 2 people and a dog to take a photo shoot was a lot more work on the back end than expected.
  2. I had so much fun at this photo shoot! It’s definitely the most fun I’ve had in the road to getting hitched so far.

The checklist started with outfit planning:

  • Casual outfit 1- me
  • Casual outfit 1- Larry
  • Casual outfit 2- me
  • Casual outfit 2- Larry
  • Bow tie for entire shoot- Frankie
  • Dressy outfit 1- me
  • Dressy outfit 1- Larry

My mom happened to be shopping the dress section at TJ Maxx and scored a black and white romper, orange and white striped nautical looking dress, and embellished LBD (little black dress) she casually wanted me to try on for various occasions. When I went to visit her I was like, “Way to go, Mom! You didn’t even know it but I’m just going to roll with these as my engagement photo looks.” She responded with, “What is Larry wearing?” Ah yes, the “What is Larry wearing?” was the million dollar question. Larry, my love, is incredibly good at passing the buck and distinguishing between what is his realm and what he just doesn’t want to have to determine based on work obligations etc. He gladly handed me the planning and naturally Mom and I hit Macy’s for black slacks, a white button down and a black tie. He had a nice purple shirt and a teal plaid shirt with dark jeans for his two casual looks. Well my job is done here. I thought after a weekend of outfit planning at Mom’s I’d got the rest covered.

larry dressing1

Then I realized there’s grooming involved:

  • Hair trim- Me & Larry
  • Grooming (puppy cut)- Frankie
  • Nails- Boys need ‘em trimmed, mani/pedi for me
  • Hair styling product- Larry
  • Hair styling tools and product- Me

Getting my hair trimmed sitting in my girlfriend’s styling chair she and the stylist next to her asked me who was doing my make up for my engagement shoot? Naturally, I responded with,

“Me. I do a great job with makeup.” I was met with blank stares (INSERT cricket noises here).

“No, I can’t do my own makeup?”

“Well you can but it’s different in photos you put on way more than you would daily and you look ‘natural.’”

“Oh.”

Action Steps:

1. There’s a legitimate amount of thought that goes into planning a photo shoot. If you’re not into photos it may not be worth it.

2. Network with your trusted girlfriends for photographers, make-up artists and vendors in general. I’m finding some of the coolest small business owners thanks to friend’s recommendations

3. If the future groom trusts you whole heartedly and leaves the planning in your hands it’s often easier than talking through every small decision such as “Is navy and orange too matchy matchy?” or “Does orange and lavender even go together?” Be happy you’ve got the reigns and that he trusts you.