I’m back! My last post was in March and I realized how all consumed I’d been with wedding planning that I had not written a single thing since then. I didn’t even write drafts that go to the graveyard of unpublished. You’ll be happy to know, the wedding was more than I’d hoped it would be. After a year of planning, envisioning, communicating, pinning, tracking, and fitting, to see it all come together was movie magical. I consider myself a spiritual person but generally more a skeptic than a believer when it comes to all things romantic. If you had asked me what I would have predicted would be my favorite part of the wedding, I would have said the reception without missing a beat. Having gone through the experience, I was shocked to discover it was the ceremony that I loved the most.
I worked really hard on overcoming emotional baggage to be in a head space of joy, appreciation and gratitude. I found a great therapist and was working hard to separate issues with my father from spoiling a day I’d dreamed of my entire life. For all you daughters of fathers who have left you feeling disappointed and vulnerable your entire lives, you understand what a trip it can be to sort through emotional stress in the pressure cooker of wedding planning. I highly recommend putting in this kind of emotional work, because it helped calm my fears, trust my instincts and focus on the most important person that day, my husband.
When the trolley turned the corner and I saw him at the end of the aisle, any fear that I had that I was somehow marrying a man like my father just simply didn’t exist. The kindness in his eyes and the warmth of his smile made me feel like a tree rooting strongly into the ground. I was about to be a part of something other than just me in this world. I don’t remember walking down the aisle, it felt as if I was floating.

Friends and family asked me if Larry would be emotional and I said no way. He’s certainly a feeler but he’s not one to put emotion out in front of a lot of people. I felt guaranteed to have my rock up there. As I walked towards him I saw so much emotion on his face I lost it. I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced a moment as profoundly moving. The love was bigger than me, bigger than him, bigger than us. And for two pragmatic people, our worlds got rocked! Just a month later, I feel profoundly grateful I got to have such a life changing experience and overwhelmingly reassured that I chose wisely and he wanted to marry me too.